Magickal Initiation | Spiritual Emergency | Mental Health Crisis or Spiritual Awakening
Hey, what is up? It is ross from the Spiritual Phoenix Podcast rekindled, and we will get right into today’s episode. This is episode three; it will be more so about my recent experience. I had called it a mental health crisis in the last episode. I wanted to clear that up a little bit and explain what I was doing before, the experience, the experience itself, and kind of like the conclusion of everything. I’m doing this to illustrate the spiritual emergency and spiritual awakening aspect of a mental health crisis and show a parallel. Viewing them as separate can be detrimental, as both hold layers of benefit.
So this is somewhat shaky ground, and I would not suggest that anybody else looks at their personal experiences this way. I take no responsibility if anybody chooses to look at their personal experiences this way. Now, with that said, let’s get into the episode. Renji is jumping on my lap because she’s very irritated that I’m not feeding her, and it’s too early for her to be fed.
So, my recent experience was the culmination of being out of alignment. There was some unresolved inner work that needed finishing. Another part of it was the fruit of external work I had been doing to address my issues. I’ve been too work-centric, and I think that’s easy to do, primarily working on being an influencer and this niche and falling into some hustle culture.
It’s easy to become solely focused on work in productivity. So focused that I lose sight of self-care. And ironically enough, I started this whole business and everything that I do to practice self-care. The other way that I was out of alignment was no social life. So for many people, covid um, destroyed their social life for me, I was so happy not to have the pressure of having a social life.
I understand that a key to maintaining mental health is a social life. And I have been able to overcome many of those barriers through my use of medical marijuana.
The next thing that’s out of alignment is my relationship to herb. Before this, I hadn’t smoked pot in like five years, and then I started smoking pot two months before. And then I had my spiritual awakening spiritual experience in mental health crisis type thing. So there’s a connection there.
I would not blame pot; specifically, it’s pot in combination with the other medication I was on. But I do need to address that. That was one of the things that were out of alignment.
Next, there’s a specific diet I’m supposed to eat because of autism and stuff like that.
Lastly, my spiritual practice was out of alignment. There are things that I’ve learned that worked well for me, and I’d stopped doing them.
I had a habit of doing a rigorous daily meditation and prayer routine that was helpful for me. But I lost touch because of a move and the other moving pieces of my life. None of that is to make an excuse but rather me calling myself on my BS.
It’s to illustrate its reality and show that I have to be more mindful of it moving forward, right. Unresolved stuff that had played into the episode, childhood stuff, a lot of us have childhood stuff that still needs organizing and processing, and well, I had done a lot of work on one specific side of my family. There was a whole other side of the family that I had left unexamined.
Life itself has left scars on me, and there are still things that need to process insecurities; everybody has them. I have my unique ones. Um, some of those had surfaced and made it somewhat unbearable and then doubts. There’s a lot of doubt going on because I’ve invested heavily in my business, and the return on it so far has been negligible.
But there’s; also, I don’t know if it’s just stubbornness or this like gut feeling that everything will eventually work out. It’s just a matter of contributing full belief in what I’m doing and sticking with it. So that’s in there as well and then fruits of the labor.
This part is interesting. When the doctor had asked me what I thought I was experiencing, I told him Samadi because there was this unification or this unity consciousness. There were just these other layers that I had to sort through that were uncomfortable.
Um, but magical practice in terms of fruits of my labor. So before this experience, I participated in the Rune Soup premium membership. In terms of affordable ways to upskill your magical ability, it’s one of the biggest bangs for your buck. But I had taken several courses.
I had been doing ancestor work; I had been doing there, his, what is it, angels, fairies, fairies, and side course where it looks like all of those things as one specific, um not specific one unified theory of weirdness and then the ancestor’s course as well. Right?
So like all of these different things. The other thing study was a big part of what played into this weirdly, like studying all the various religions and cultures that I did. A powerful spiritual theme and thread pulled me through it and let me keep myself safe. Discipline is the other one.
So before all of this going on, I had had an almost daily tai chi yoga and meditation practice that I had participated in, and that’s like one of the things that mentally fortified me through everything. But I’m just now getting back to that practice; commitment was the other.
Part of this experience was a commitment to my magical path because I kept considering the Terence McKenna quote, “magick is jumping into the abyss and realizing it’s a featherbed.” I committed to seeing whatever I was experiencing through to the end — believing in what I was experiencing enough to ride it out, even though it was terrifying and probably scary for other people in my life.
It was something that I had to go through, I sincerely believe, and the reward of that it hasn’t fully manifested yet, but there’s going to be a lot of power that comes from it; this was just a magical precursor.
Earlier I mentioned a series of house spells that I had done. I did a ritual where it was like looking at the house as an entity and then looking at how each room relates to my life purpose um setting up each room intentionally to those specific purposes.
I had been working with Fae and not like the pretty little fairies that some people think, but like Fae, as in the entities, you don’t want to funk with type of Fae. However, if you go to them the right way, they may be willing to help you out.
I did a pretty intense ritual with them over the end of summer, and that played into some of this ancestry work. One of the things that I had done was this ancestry meditation. I had been cleaning up an old family heirloom that came over from Europe, that was like my grandpa’s grandparents or something similar, so there’s like all of this heritage and layering soaked in.
Part of the ancestry work I did was a meditation where you focused on different ancestors like your familial ancestors, so you’re your grandparents. Then their parents and then to the grandparents of your grandparents and so on. It creates a massive fractal of blood ancestry. Then you look at ancestors of place.
So the people that lived in your locality, then you look at ancestors of craft, so for me, that would be like culinary arts would be one of the crafts magician, tarot card readers. And you’re pulling on all of these threads of ancestors that go back to the first people. There’s so much pain and trauma if you go through that; it’s so fucking hard.
Astral projection was another big one like I had upskilled my astral projection skills. I would say that I was out there for a lot of the times when I did sleep in these experiences, and I’ve been through some stuff meme magic.
Meme magic is where you kind of load sigils into memes, and then you put the memes out there, and it’s charging the sigil when people are interacting with the meme. I had done a lot of that. Um, and I have had some real success with some of it too. I’ve also experienced synchronicities relative to the memes, as weird as that is, and, lastly, the hyper sigil.
I’m writing my second book, and my second book is primarily a framework of my metaphysics and how I see the world. It’s like a culmination of my lived experience from what it started to what I picked up along the way, and to say that that wasn’t an influence on the things that I’m doing now would be a lie. And before everything popped off again, I had anticipated beginning to um rework my book entirely, but now I see that it is kind of okay; there are only a few minor tweaks that need to be done; I have other work that I need to do first. It was an illuminating experience.
There was also the tie-in to 1111, and a lunar eclipse occurred around then. There was like so many layers of magical shit that went into this that to discredit it as something else is foolish. The other thing that I want to correct is I had said that this was like a spiritual thing. This was more a magical initiation in a big way.
If you listen to episode two, where I record the intro, before me having the experience. I talked about it being an initiation into the invisible mystery school or the invisible college and the tattoo that I had on my hand being like the soap burn-in fight club, where it’s like the initiation mark; I think that that was true in a big way.
There’s going to be a lot more exciting stuff that comes as a result of that because there were some names and people that I interacted with in spirit that I’m curious to see if they come up in real life.
The experience itself, ancestral healing, was a considerable part like I cleared up a lot of karmic debt for people in my lineage, and then I cleared up a lot of stuff in the future for people that are coming in. I earned my right as an ancestor; later on, as long as I hold the line and like maintain my credibility.
Interdimensional travel is another part of the experience, and that is saying like I’m not too fond of the 5D. The way people talk about it is stupid, but it was like a 5D experience. Gordan white talks about this book flatland. I’ve not read the book, but the concept is effectively like a higher level of thinking and going from 2D to 3D.
Words can’t begin to explain it the oddity of my experience. I don’t know what the funk I experienced there in a big way, but there’s a lot more going on, and life functions way differently than we think. The other part of the experience was I was given a gift.
So I had mentioned the nature spirits that I had worked with, um part of the nature spirit thing was asking them for assistance and like working with them. I had a very profound experience initially when I did that in September. Still, when it came to the results of this experience, there are gifts that I was given that I have not uncovered yet another massive part of the experience, and this is like the most crucial part.
It’s funny how this is a minor thing. It just shows you how goddamn self-centered I can be at times. Um, there is an ongoing restructuring of power, and the restructuring of power isn’t on a small scale. There’s a big shift coming, which will be positive for the people.
Um, but the following line, I think, is what’s essential about the restructure of power; it’s healing yet not um going through what I went through makes me realize that there’s a lot of unresolved shit in the collective psyche that people have to process. Certain people like me are kind of here to help process that.
But other people still have to do their work, like you can’t do nobody can do your push-ups for you. So things are going to be somewhat wonky in the collective psyche for a while, especially with all the added pressures of everything that’s happened recently.
People like me need to step up and work on our shit. We don’t have to hold space for others in the bullshit lightworker way, but we have to be a beacon, and how we carry ourselves, that’s the important thing. And then lastly, the conclusion is the doctor accepted me. Like when I said that my experience was samadhi, he didn’t question me or anything. I told him about using medical pot. He prescribed me medication that would work in conjunction with it that wouldn’t exacerbate the impact of marijuana.
Lastly, they took me off of one of the mental health medications they said had contributed to that experience. Overall the experience was healing; as weird as that sounds like I picked up a couple of negative habits due to it. I’m not too pleased with myself; I’ve been smoking cigarettes again.
But there seems even to be something positive coming from that, even if it’s not the healthiest choice.
I don’t want to experience that again, whatever that was, and I don’t think it was caused by pot alone, regardless of pot being part of the equation. I don’t think pot was the part that caused the problem, and then, it was scary as fucking ship.
So to break down. Kind of, some of the things that I was thinking, um, I live in a house that my mom owns, but I felt that there was like other people in the house with me. I thought that I was injected with a hotshot, which I learned the term from looking up the lyrics to a song.
Effectively a hotshot is a syringe full of drugs intended to kill people. I’ve never done hypodermic drugs or anything like that. I wasn’t around anybody with hypodermic needles. I have no idea where I thought that I got the hotshot. I thought somebody gave me a Jeffrey from a Russell brand movie, and I’ve never even seen the movie; I only know about the Jeffrey, which is like a laced joint.
Fuck. Dude, there was like carryovers from previous psychosis, shadow people, like you name it, they’re like the C. I. A. was involved, there was all sorts of wild shit that I thought. I drank out of a fucking puddle. Like, I just can’t explain the horror of some of these things.
I’m going to leave it at that. So this was just kind of a bonus episode. I’m still probably going to do episodes; the original episode three will be episode four now. Because I want to get back on track with everything, and I want to like get past this experience, but I did want to document it because it happened, and um yeah, we needed this here anyhow.
So I think the last thing that I do want to say before I shut the funk up for real is you can have a mental health crisis or a spiritual experience or a magical initiation, you can go into the facility, you can play by their rules, if it feels in alignment with you and you can get on with your life. It doesn’t have to be this big thing.
The last time that this happened to me, I was hung up for years. Now because of the foundational work I did, I know how to come out of this experience quickly, which I wanted to convey with this podcast.
So it’s very serendipitous that I actually had those experiences occur again because now I’m able to show people the difference and show people, hey, this is what it is, this is how we can move forward, let’s fucking do it and make it happen anyhow, chat with you soon and enjoy the next episode, bonus week.